Redefining Balance: How Motherhood Expanded—Not Replaced—My Identity
WRITTEN BY ASHLEY P.
I met Ashley back in 2014 at my very first agency job in Atlanta.
We bonded over long hours managing high-stakes events for our clients, tight deadlines, and the everyday chaos of agency life. Our friendship grew and became one rooted in grit, trust, and mutual respect. More than a decade later (and now as actual neighbors, which still cracks me up!), I’ve had the privilege of watching her grow into a total powerhouse in her field. She’s the kind of friend you’re proud to know—smart, intentional, grounded, and deeply thoughtful about the choices she makes.
So when she became a mom, I was curious. Not in the “what stroller did you get?” kind of way (though, fair question), but in the deeper sense: How has motherhood shaped you? Changed you? Surprised you? I knew Ashley would have an honest take—one that so many women could relate to, especially those navigating big careers, big questions, or the big unknown of whether motherhood is right for them.
I hope you enjoy her perspective as much as I did.
Q: What was your relationship to the idea of motherhood before becoming a mom? Did you always know you wanted children, or was it something you had to reflect deeply on?
A: I wasn’t one of those people who always knew they wanted to be a mom. I have an amazing mother, but I didn’t feel a strong pull toward motherhood myself. My life felt full, and I didn’t see anything missing. In fact, I worried how my life would change with a child, and whether I’d like that version of life as much as the one I already had.
But seeing that positive pregnancy test —and feeling such raw, honest, overwhelming joy—made it so clear that motherhood was for me, even if I hadn’t felt that way before. Talk about IYKYK. And I knew.
Q: Was there a moment (or a gradual unfolding) when you knew you were ready to have a baby? What helped you reach that decision?
A: I guess you could say it was a bit of both—a gradual unfolding that led to the moment. I started seriously considering having a baby when I saw how much my husband wanted to be a father. That opened the door for me. We talked openly about starting a family—what it could look like and what it might mean for us. It was a conversation we revisited every so often. And we kept talking about it until we both felt the time was right. That moment came almost six years into our marriage. I was 33 and recently in remission from a chronic gastrointestinal disease, which was critical for both my health and a future pregnancy.
Q: How has motherhood changed your sense of identity—if at all? What has shifted, and what has stayed the same?
A: I’d say that motherhood has expanded my identity. It hasn’t replaced or diminished who I was before. Being Darcy’s mom has added depth, perspective, and even a softness to how I move through my day and the world around me.
Professionally, a big part of my identity has always been tied to my work and a drive to excel. I’ve led seven-figure accounts, shaped award-winning campaigns, and held leadership roles with increasing scope and responsibility. It’s a career I’m proud of, and I still am. And after my maternity leave, I look forward to returning to work and being a working mother.
Personally, I love coffee shops, reading, practicing yoga, and cooking with my husband. That hasn’t changed because I have a baby. I still find ways to enjoy those things (sure, maybe less often than before baby) but it’s really fun to have Darcy be part of the things I love.
Q: As a successful, career-focused woman, what were your biggest fears or questions before having a baby? How are you navigating those now?
A: I had a laundry list of fears and questions—heck, I still do! How would I grow my career and raise a child at the same time? Would I have enough time to do things the way I wanted? What would I have to give up, and would I choose the right things? Would I be enough for everyone who needed me?
I don’t know if I have a great answer for how I’m navigating those now. It’s all still so new! Without sounding trite, I am trusting my gut, asking for advice from those close to me and just taking it one day at a time. I also follow a lot of mom content on TikTok that’s really helpful and a reminder you’re not the only one navigating something.
Q: What do your career goals look like today? How are you balancing ambition with the realities of motherhood—and what does “balance” even mean to you these days?
A: I’m a Libra, so balance is kind of my thing—but not in the cliché “work-life balance” way. Ew. It’s not about doing it all or doing it perfectly (says a still recovering perfectionist). To me, balance means being intentional about what matters most in each season.
My career goals haven’t changed. I still want to grow in my role, sharpen my craft, and create impactful work. But I also want to be the best mom I can be—growing in that role, sharpening that craft, and creating an impact on my daughter’s life.
It’s not either/or. It’s a constant calibration of both.
Q: What’s something you wish more women talked about when it comes to pregnancy, postpartum, or motherhood? What surprised you the most?
A: I was genuinely surprised by how strong and instinctive my body was throughout the entire experience. It reminded me that physical and emotional health are deeply connected—and the habits we build in both areas really do matter.
I wish we talked more openly about the mental shifts that happen during pregnancy, labor, and postpartum—not just the hormonal ones, but the deeper changes in how you think, feel, and relate to yourself. Some things you truly don’t understand until you go through them, but the process has taught me so much. I’m still learning and as I watch my friends become new moms or go through a second, third or even fourth pregnancy, I feel better equipped now to show up for them in more thoughtful, empathetic ways.
Q: What advice would you give to other women in their 20s or 30s who are unsure about becoming mothers—or are scared that it means giving up who they are?
A: It is a huge change, and change can be scary. Motherhood shifts things, and not all of it is easy. But gosh, it’s so worth it! Something I repeat to myself is that you don’t go back—you go forward. So instead of focusing on what was, I think about what will be and then I plan for that.
Also, always, always, always give yourself grace. And don’t mom shame—we ain’t got time for that!
